ENG 3U Culminating #2
The days are gone. Those days I would wake up and know that I’m hiding nothing. The days when there was no weight on my shoulders. Although I’m glad the deed is over, I know this paranoia will always continue. I didn’t want to go through with it all but I had to make my wife proud. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s motivated me through this all and has kept me going. It was time to stop being a coward and get what I want for once.
It’s been scary, covering all this up. The moment I woke up this morning I felt a stab, kind of like the one Duncan must have felt when I murdered him. Not long ago I could never see myself doing such a horrible act to the one I have always been dedicated to. King Duncan gave me everything I needed to be successful and never forgot to praise me. I will miss him but I know that I would’ve regretted it if i didn’t kill him. I would be forever wondering who I could be in Scotland.
This morning when Macduff and Lennox arrived I tried my hardest to act natural. The key to being calm was to act like I knew nothing of the King’s death and hope for the best. When I went into the King’s room with Lennox by my side I knew that I had to look as surprised as I could. I worried that if Macduff asked the chamberlains what happened, my whole plan could be jeopardized. So out of impulse I decided that I had to kill them to feel reassured about whatever was coming next. I blamed it on anger when they confronted me about why I had done such a thing, I claimed that I couldn’t handle the fact that they killed him. I could tell deep down that Macduff didn’t believe my reasoning.
If Macduff or anyone comes close to finding out what Lady Macbeth and I have done, I don’t know how I’ll deal with it. Murdering others is not who I used to be however, it may be who I have become. I hope things will go smoothly from now on since I have decided I am ready to do what I have to in order to be happy.